Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
