I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
