This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
