1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
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