Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
