i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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