Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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