I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Randomize
