I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
