Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
