just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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