just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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