I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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