I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
