I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
