Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
