My first STD was from a foam party
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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