I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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