i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
