thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
