This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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