We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
