I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
