boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
