I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
