sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
