I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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