girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
