You don't have asthma, your pregnant
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize