I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
