Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
