I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
