my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
