He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
