My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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