Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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