he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
