I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
