remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
