you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
