just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
