I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
