I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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