Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
