If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
