I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
