You really coming over, don't trick.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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