Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I deserve to be covered in dicks
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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