I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
