I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have fence marks all over my body
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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