We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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