But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize