I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Randomize
