Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
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