My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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