She said her name was "party"
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
