That's when you crack a 10am beer
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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