let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
