She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
