I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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