After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
