LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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