you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
