We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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