my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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