bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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