i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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