I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
