the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
