well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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