HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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