I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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