oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
